Tuesday, June 17, 2014

EM Reviews - The Sales Crime Policeman by David J. Rollins

About the Book
Science Fiction / Humor / Romance
Date Published: November 19, 2013

The future is no place to fall in love. 

Amazing advances in technology have all but replaced relationships. People can purchase spouses programmed to their individual tastes and desires, anything from an aversion to expensive guilt gifts to perfumed flatulence. Attachments are even available for the more discriminating customers. Anyone can have anyone they want, as long as they don’t want someone who looks like someone else. That’s against the law. It could also make things a little awkward at social events.

For one man, technology is not enough. He is a Telepathic Vacuum Cleaner Salesperson Policeman, and he wants to fall in love with a real woman. Like most men, he is not perfect. He has no name. He had to give up that up when he became a policeman. He is terribly afraid of roller coasters. And he doesn’t have any attachments.

When he finds the woman of his dreams, she is not what he expected. Like most women, she doesn’t feel the same way about him. She has a spouse certified to be her perfect mate. And she is in prison. The policeman had her arrested, because she is one of the most wanted criminals in his world.

Now, the policeman has to choose between everything he is and everything he wants.

The future is no place to fall in love.


“I just want a name,” the lonely officer said to his friend without looking at him. “I just want to meet someone.”

“You’re not going to start that again, are you?”

“I just think I would be able to deal with this all much better if I were in a relationship. You know, if I had someone to love.”

“So go buy one. I’ve told you before, it’s really worth it. It’s even more economical, if you factor in the cost of dating and guilt gifts. I’ve told you about Spouse Now! They’ll actually program your spouse any way you want. If you want to be able to cheat on her without worrying about hurting her feelings, they can do that. If you want her to proposition attractive women for a little triple tricking, they can do that. You won’t even have to go to the bar. They’ll program her to go for you and bring someone back. If you have a fetish, they can...”

“I get the idea. I’m just not interested.”

“I don’t see what’s so great about a real wife,” he twitched and winced, “None of those marriages ever end up happy. Men and women are too different. They want different things. And why would you want to waste time making the same mistake people have already made many times over? Spouse Now! can give you a perfect mate, and she will never ever ask you what your name is.”

“You get a referral fee, don’t you?” The judgmental disappointment in his voice leered down at the married officer.

About the Author

David J. Rollins is a paralegal by day, husband by night, and sometimes finds time to write. As a young man, he had had different plans, but that’s the way life works out most of the time.

David has been writing since Seventh Grade. He started with the adventures of Super Pimp and his sidekick Squirt. His hero was Philip K. Dick, who strangely enough did not write about things like Pimps and Squirts. Like any fan, David wanted to follow in his hero’s footsteps. Unlike most fans, he wanted to follow them even after finding out that his hero, at one point in his life, was so poor that he resorted to eating dog food. What David lacked in aspirations, he made up for in determination.

From those humble beginnings, David became the man he is today. He is happier than he ever thought he would be and is living a life he never imagined in his wildest dreams. And that’s the way David’s life worked out. He was and is very lucky.

As further proof of his luck, David has lost every one of the stories about Super Pimp and his sidekick Squirt. He has also never had to eat dog food. 


EM's Review

I wasn't sure what I was expecting when I picked this book up by just reading the description. But I certainly wasn't expecting a novelette that had me talking about it all weekend to everyone who would listen! David Rollins has created a quirky, sick, but totally enjoyable world in the Sales Crime Policeman

In the futuristic world of manufactured love and fashion, where annoyance is the highest crime, A for-now-unnamed Sales Crime Policeman starts a journey of inner discovery. Well, sort of. Anyway, it's kind of romancy, and kind of comedy, and kind of faux scifi. I really can't pin it down but it's definitely original. anyone who enjoyed Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy will enjoy this quick read.

The story begins in Third Person Omniscient and changes point of view between characters quickly. To some of you this means nothing. That's fine, it won't bother you. Go read the book. I'm not fond of that style, but I got over it in a few short pages as it's really the only way this story can be told. And it is told well. I didn't even notice after while. So if you know what I'm talking about and that style bothers you. Get over it and GET THE BOOK! 

Honestly, It's one of those stories that you want to are with others and joke about forever. Like Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy or Monty Python. This book is for anyone. There's nondescript nudity but I don't think youngsters would get most of the humor anyway. Well except for the potty jokes and nudity. But there's a whole other level of sophisticated irony that would just woosh over their heads. 

Overall, a very enjoyable and fun read!

Friday, June 13, 2014

KL Reviews - Forever Layla by Melissa T. Lee

About the Book

Release date: May 2014
 Publisher: AltWit Press
 Purchase: Amazon

Synopsis via Goodreads:

What if the woman you envied most is the person you are destined to become?
In 1994, high school senior David Foster was the lackey and soundboard geek for his best friend's grunge band. During spring break, the band lands a dream gig playing at a motel in Myrtle Beach, SC. David expected all the girls to ogle the guys on stage, but when a beautiful blond "Bond Girl" approaches him and calls him by name, he's shocked to find out she knows more about him than a stranger should.
She even knows about his notebooks and his visions of time travel.
What she thought was a quick time-travel-sightseeing trip takes a surprising turn when she meets the young adult version of the man she'd heard stories about as a child. His fairy-tale romance with the woman he'd loved, Layla, inspired her to accept nothing less than a love just as strong...but hopefully not as tragic. When she won't tell the younger version of him her name, he calls her Layla--and the world as she knows it changes forever.
KL's Review
Forever Layla Review
Time travel literally makes my head explode.  I always find it difficult to wrap my mind around the whole time continuum, but it sounded like a cool book, so I thought I would give it a try.  If you feel like you aren’t geeky enough to get time travel like I am, then don’t worry.  My head did not explode, and I found myself so in to this book that I couldn’t put it down.
An epic romance, self-sacrifice, and just enough science fiction to make it unbelievably believable (or believably unbelievable). A beautiful young woman from the 2000’s finds herself stuck in the 90’s.  Drowning in a sea of grungy plaid teenagers, she finds a familiar face.  The man of her dreams, the creator of time travel, and the father of the son who will save countless lives is the 17-year-old sound tech for a high school garage band.  Being from the future, she knows how it all happens and what joys and pains his life will hold.  The only thing she didn’t know was the part she would be playing.
I thoroughly enjoyed Forever Layla once I got into it.  I admit that I was not immediately drawn into the plot, but after a few chapters, the story starts rolling and the pages start flying.  The author keeps giving you these little hints and clues about how things are going to unfold, and though I had it pretty much figured out before the end, I had come to love the characters so much, I wanted to read it just to be a part of it.
I want to thank the author for creating such a passionate love story without all of the steamy scenes.  This is definitely a PG-13 book appropriate for teens and adults alike.  The language is clean and the characters have a very moral code of conduct.  The only negative I can say is that there was some disconnect between what “Layla” knew about the future and how much she should have really known (if I followed the time continuum correctly.)  And the ending definitely seemed rushed.  I could have used a little bit more.  But that is just a testament to how good the plot was.  Forever Layla definitely does not disappoint!

About the Author
Melissa Turner Lee holds a BA in Communications with a concentration in Journalism from the University of South Carolina. She has studied fiction writing since 2008, attending various writing conferences and workshops, along with guidance from professional writing coaches. She resides in Spartanburg, SC with her husband and 3 sons.

Monday, June 9, 2014

KL's Review - Descent by Kallie Ross

About the Book:
Seventeen year old Ollie Miller is ready to leave all of her hurt feelings behind, but moving on seems impossible while living next door to her ex-best friend, Mateo. When curious earthquakes begin to shake and rip open the foundation of her small town, the ground becomes as unsteady as her feelings for him. When they fall, they fall hard…

Ollie’s disastrous attempt to save Mateo’s brother from falling into a curious chasm results in their descent into a cavernous wonderland. Ollie, Mateo, Jesse, and Alexis search for a way back home, and encounter a mysterious tribe of natives. Gabriel, the next in line to lead his people, is granted permission to guide them to the surface. On their treacherous journey, an overzealous elder threatens all of their lives, because he can’t risk them exposing his people, or the power he wields. The group discovers ancient secrets, unexpected truths, and uncharted feelings. Ollie must find a way out or risk being stuck in the caves forever—or worse, dead.

“Descent is a gripping debut that takes you on a roller coaster - a page turner that has you asking - what happens next. I loved every single word of it.” Fangirlish.com

KL's Review
Descent Review

Kallie Ross is shaking things up with her debut novel Descent!  Four teens find themselves in a curious new land far beneath the earth after an earthquake rips open a hole in their backyard.  Ollie, Alexis, Mateo, and Jesse have to navigate the treacherous underground paths (as well as their complicated relationships) in order to make their way back to the surface.  They are helped along the way by their new friends Gabriel and Keren.

If the Amish and Old Testament Jews had a baby, the result would be the people of this strange underground world.  Living in tents and dressed in tunics and robes, they speak in a formal tone and possess some of the same traditions of the Amish community.  Gabriel is on the verge of his manhood ceremony which is supposed to culminate in a journey to the surface where he will decide to stay or come back to be a leader amongst his people.  Coincidentally, Ollie and her friends provide the perfect opportunity for Gabriel to complete his task.

Amongst the many dangers the group must contest with, there is also a dark and sinister plot being carried out by one of the Elders.  His plan will be disastrous to not only those in his village, but will also wreak havoc to many on the surface.  How will this affect Gabriel, Ollie, and the others as they travel home?

This novel receives my highest compliment.  I literally could not put it down.  Once the plot begins to unravel, I got so completely absorbed in finding out what was going to happen next, I ended up finishing it mostly in one day!  Then you find yourself at the end definitely wanting more.  It does seem to feel a little slow at the beginning, but it is definitely worth the wait.  It is a great ride full of adventure, love, drama, and characters you feel like would be your best friends if you knew them in real life.

Descent is completely appropriate for all teens and pre-teens and any adult addicted to YA fiction (such as myself).  The language is clean and the romantic relationships are healthy and appropriate.  There are several references to nudity, but nothing graphic. 

I received an ARC for an honest review.

About Kallie Ross:

Over time my love for learning gravitated toward studying conspiracy theories and contradictions in our culture. My conclusions have ignited a passion to write compelling young adult fiction that incorporates legend, conjecture, fantasy, and conviction.

I love being a wife, mother, friend, writer, and teacher. I began teaching high school English in 2002 and started blogging and podcasting in 2008. I have a brilliant husband, two redheads, and never imagined my life would ever be this fun!

Find Kallie Ross

Add DESCENT on Goodreads and Facebook!


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